Marriage.

It always sucks to hear that your ex is getting married- and while you’re still nowhere near marriage or even living with anyone.

I know that my ex-boyfriend from college is getting married, and while I have not had romantic feelings of any kind for him in years (actually, I don’t really think of him any way, except with general indifference) it still is kind of painful to hear. I don’t know why that is.

This is the same guy after all, who broke up with me in a text message after nearly five years together. He also refused to even speak about moving to New York, where I grew up, and insisted that we live in his parent’s attic in Boston rather than actually on our own. So weird, right? But he did whatever his mother said to do- and he was not allowed to move out of state because mommy did not approve and wanted to have control over everything in his life, including who he dated/married.

It’s like that scene from “When Harry Met Sally” where Meg Ryan’s character gets a phone call that her ex is getting married. She did not want him, nor was she in love with him anymore, but at the same time that news was still painful to receive. I guess that is how it is with me.

I don’t want the guy. Haven’t for years. I’ve been with much better-looking guys in the years since we broke up and had much better lovers since then too… haha. Still, when I’m nowhere near getting married or dating anyone hearing that just seems like a minor blow.

In the past two years, I’ve kind of written off ever getting married or even being serious with someone again. I have some serious trust issues, especially with men. I haven’t met anyone I am even interested in. I dated my last ex boyfriend for nearly three years, and though I don’t think I was ever head over heels in love with him now, I did think that was going to be more serious. However, he like my other ex did not ever want to move on with his life- or maybe he just did not want to spend it with me.

I’ve always thought that there were things wrong with me. Like maybe I have some sort of personality disorder, or something that made me fail at relationships. Now I just think I’m sort of normal. Who doesn’t have issues in relationships? Every single woman in the world is looking for the same thing.

I’m just not sure I will find it ever.

 

EDIT: He is not getting married. Engagement ended.

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