So, most of the time writing out my feelings on paper (or in this case, on the Internet) usually helps me better deal with those feelings and better helps me to (finally!) move on. Now that I have made some notes for myself in a traditional diary, I feel like I’m finally able to make them go live.
So here we go: here are my feelings on the events of the past few months. Excuse my language, I do not usually curse unless a situation warrants it, but I feel that many of these situations do.
So, backtracking a bit, over a year ago I thought I had started a completely wonderful new experience. However, it turned out to be among the worst experiences on my entire life. It’s weird, but that whole experience shattered my already fragile confidence levels and made me reevaluate things and start to wonder where I would ever fit into this world.
I still don’t have all the answers, but I feel better now than I did before. I know one day I will look back on the whole experience and just shake my head, but the whole negative experience certainly left me with some sour grapes and little good to say about some people.
The experience didn’t start off negative. It even could have been different if not for the actions of one woman, who acted one way when I first met her, and quite another after I’d known her for more than a year, She was manipulative, and truly a 40 year-old mean girl whose lot in life seemed to be boosting others up and then kicking them in the teeth later on when they were down already.
She was a gossip queen who loved to speak about others behind their back, talking sh*t for no other reason than to encourage others to speak ill of that person. However, if you dared to speak about her, you were the Devil Incarnate- even though she constantly aired her own dirty laundry. She also tended to spin events in her favor, so that she came out looking like Mother Theresa, the savior of the world, and others came out looking like Pontius Pilate.
However, I personally witnessed her talk sh*t about several of her “friends.” That is, if she truly has any. She spoke crap to me about all of her friends, including ones I had never met.
What I noticed about this woman was her tendency to always say and believe that she was right- and that everyone else was wrong or crazy for not sharing her opinions. She should have smoked more dope with her pothead of a husband so that she could be more delusional. This woman also seemed to believe that dressing like a $5 an hour whore on the streets of Time Square was “business casual.” Then again, maybe those were the nicest clothes she had to begin with…
Sadly, at one point I considered this person a friend in spite of her many negative actions and the often vicious things she said about others (and later, it would turn out, said about me.) I can put up with a lot of crap from other people. But when a person berates, belittles, and insults me more than once, I’m done. Worst of all, in that same breath that she used to verbally assault me, that harpy claimed to be my friend. With friends like that, who needs enemies, right? I’m not a bad person. In fact, I’m probably a way better person than she will ever learn to be. And sadly, I’m 12 years younger.
True friends do not attack others, no matter what. That’s what high school bullies do (oh wait, that person got expelled from high school so probably doesn’t know that!) Friends, and decent bosses and managers, offer help when they see a person struggling. They don’t kick a person when they’re already feeling down, and defeated.
Then again, I was raised differently than this person. I was raised with dignity and class by parents who cared and taught me to treat others decently. This person was raised with trailer trash- and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, that is for certain.
I don’t need a person like this in my life. No one does. I also do not need to live or work at a dysfunction junction to validate my life. I have kept my feelings about that situation bottled up for a few months now- it was time to let it all out. I just hope that when I’m 40 I am nothing like this woman. But then again, I’m already better for not associating with such low-class sludge.
There are also some other people that I blame for my negative experience in addition to the harpy, although she was the main reason for my misery through her words and her actions. However, I’ve used enough negative words on this blog (lol).