It’s been a rough few months for me, I’ll be honest.
Since I last logged in here, I have been through a break-up, about two months ago. While it maybe was not a total shocker for me to deal with, it is something that has had a profound effect on me.
Mostly, because I thought that the relationship that just ended was “the relationship.” I really thought that I was finally understood by a man, and finally 100% appreciated by one. However, I was wrong.
First, I was told by the person i was in a relationship with that I became unattractive when I complained about my (now former) job, which was at a horrid company with no future, working for a horrid boss. So, problem solved: I got a new job.
Issue closed, right? Well, not exactly.
When I was no longer unattractive because of my complaints about my job, I was suddenly unattractive to my boyfriend. Because all of a sudden, my supposed lack of common sense made me too much like his mother.
Well, okay, then. I’m at a total loss. I exhibit unattractive qualities when I complain about my job, but I’m still unattractive when I suddenly have a lack of common sense (mind you, this came from a person who drove his car straight into a huge puddle, killing the engine of the car) and am too much like his mother when I suggest he stop screwing around, and actually get his college degree so he could have a better future.
Wow. Yeah. How dare I want a better future for the person I’d been dating nearly three years.
Whatever. His loss, now mine. So, I decide after more than a month to dip my toe back into the world of online dating. I chose a different website, set up a profile, and began searching.
I forgot how depressing online dating could truly be. So, far the guys I have found attractive haven’t displayed too much interest. One guy who i could have been interested in decided that having a few phone conversations meant that he should call me 6 times in one day. (No, I’m not kidding. 6 freaking times. In one day. Beginning at 7:30 in the morning).
I finally had to block his number, because even after I told him I was not interesting in going out with him, he still kept calling me. The next step I would have had to take would have been a police report, which I actually did think of doing. That’s how annoyed I was.
Other guys who have messaged me have been guys I don’t feel I have much in common with, and one guy who messaged me was actually married. Really?? One guy, from his profile, I can tell has major health and other issues. I already dealt with a boyfriend who had major health issues. I have a huge heart, but I just cannot bring myself to become involved with someone whose health issues could become a serious issue later. I just cannot do it.
So, yeah. It’s not looking that promising. I’m starting to get depressed over it. I’m wondering if I am ever going to meet someone who will fulfill all of my needs. My two prior boyfriends couldn’t- one was too young and too immature, the other was older, but still had no idea what he wanted out of life.
I’m feeling lost.