Notes for the Future.

Never, ever befriend or trust anyone that you work with. I thought I always knew that- but lately, I’ve been reminded why I have trouble with relationships in all aspects. Cause they just cannot be trusted.

Yep, once again it’s been proven to me. People, regardless of their age, have no problem speaking about me behind my back, but cannot say jack s**t to my face. I’m tired of this nonsense. I thought I left high school far behind, but apparently not. Instead, under the guise of not sugar coating things for me “friends” tell me things that others are saying- yet, again, why are YOU telling me this??????? Grown men with no balls cannot say a thing. I just hate everyone, and I don’t discriminate. Everyone sucks equally.

The Man That Got Away

The night is bitter
The stars have lost their glitter
The winds grow colder
And suddenly you’re older
And all because of the man that got away.

No more his eager call
The writing’s on the wall
The dreams you dreamed have all
gone astray.

The man that won you
Has gone off and undone you.
That great beginning
Has seen the final inning.
Don’t know what happened. It’s all a crazy game!

No more that all time thrill
For you’ve been through the mill
And never a new love will
be the same.

Good riddance, goodbye!
Every trick of his you’re on to
But fools will be fools
And where’s he gone to?

The road gets rougher
It’s lonelier and tougher.
With hope you burn up
Tomorrow he may turn up
There’s just no let up the live-long night and day.

Ever since this world began
There is nothing sadder than
A one-man woman looking for
The man that got away…
The man that got away.

Feel depressed

It’s been a rough few months for me, I’ll be honest.

Since I last logged in here, I have been through a break-up, about two months ago. While it maybe was not a total shocker for me to deal with, it is something that has had a profound effect on me.

Mostly, because I thought that the relationship that just ended was “the relationship.” I really thought that I was finally understood by a man, and finally 100% appreciated by one. However, I was wrong.

Very wrong.

First, I was told by the person i was in a relationship with that I became unattractive when I complained about my (now former) job, which was at a horrid company with no future, working for a horrid boss. So, problem solved: I got a new job.

Issue closed, right? Well, not exactly.

When I was no longer unattractive because of my complaints about my job, I was suddenly unattractive to my boyfriend. Because all of a sudden, my supposed lack of common sense made me too much like his mother.

Well, okay, then. I’m at a total loss. I exhibit unattractive qualities when I complain about my job, but I’m still unattractive when I suddenly have a lack of common sense (mind you, this came from a person who drove his car straight into a huge puddle, killing the engine of the car) and am too much like his mother when I suggest he stop screwing around, and actually get his college degree so he could have a better future.

Wow. Yeah. How dare I want a better future for the person I’d been dating nearly three years.

Whatever. His loss, now mine. So, I decide after more than a month to dip my toe back into the world of online dating. I chose a different website, set up a profile, and began searching.

I forgot how depressing online dating could truly be. So, far the guys I have found attractive haven’t displayed too much interest. One guy who i could have been interested in decided that having a few phone conversations meant that he should call me 6 times in one day. (No, I’m not kidding. 6 freaking times. In one day. Beginning at 7:30 in the morning).

I finally had to block his number, because even after I told him I was not interesting in going out with him, he still kept calling me. The next step I would have had to take would have been a police report, which I actually did think of doing. That’s how annoyed I was.

Other guys who have messaged me have been guys I don’t feel I have much in common with, and one guy who messaged me was actually married. Really?? One guy, from his profile, I can tell has major health and other issues. I already dealt with a boyfriend who had major health issues. I have a huge heart, but I just cannot bring myself to become involved with someone whose health issues could become a serious issue later. I just cannot do it.

So, yeah. It’s not looking that promising. I’m starting to get depressed over it. I’m wondering if I am ever going to meet someone who will fulfill all of my needs. My two prior boyfriends couldn’t- one was too young and too immature, the other was older, but still had no idea what he wanted out of life.

I’m feeling lost.